Today I helped a client with a very emotionally sensitive situation. It worked out ok, but I think she was mostly embarrassed about being in the situation in the first place. I find that a lot in my practice. People come in and explain “situations” to me. And I dole out sage advice from the big leather chair behind my desk. I know it must seem so comforting, and yet so judgmental, to my clients. Me-sometimes only a few years older- sitting there telling them how they should have behaved. How they should have reacted.
The truth is the only reason I am able to look at people’s situations logically is because I am NOT emotionally involved. That’s the great thing about a lawyer and the reason, frankly, you guys come to us and ask for our advice. We are paid to give you advice and guidance without the intervention of heart and emotion-just the facts.
But today, when my client looked at me and asked me “Don’t you think we are all a little crazy at times?” I was really taken aback. It was a real question, I could tell by the longing in her eyes. And she was right. I’m an intelligent, educated attorney with a long background of experience in the family courts, but when I Monday Morning Quarterback some of my relationships, I too am embarrassed.
I have loved people who didn’t love me back. Become attached to people I had no business being attached to. I have been unable to end relationships I knew were one sided emotionally. I have been caring and loving towards people who, in reality, deserved my anger and hatred. And even as I write this I know I can’t look back on those relationships and feel the way I should-betrayed or fooled or or taken advantage of or – let’s just say it- crazy. Because sometimes we are all a little crazy. Sometimes we have an inexplicable connection with someone that makes us unable to operate in a logical manner. And all we can do when that happens is step back, take a deep breath and try to not be ourselves- try to remind ourselves that the heart is simply an organ that pumps blood through our bodies. We love with our heads-our brains- our souls- all of which are subject to logical intervention.
So yes, sometimes we are all a little crazy. But it’s the way you handle the chaos that sets you apart. It’s not that it hurts any less, it’s just mind over matter. You may not get the closure you need, but you’ll get closure. Sometimes, that’s got to be enough. No matter how much it hurts.
If you are in this situation even now, ask yourself why are you so concerned with the happiness of a person who has absolutely no concern for your happiness?
Seems kind of silly, doesn’t it?