Sorry for the LONG absence. Stacey and I have been so busy, I havent even had a chance to post. Let’s start with weekend before last. Mom and I went to Vegas. See every year my mother says “what do you want for Christmas?” And every year I say, “Why don’t you take me to Vegas, just the two of us.” It’s kind of like a bowling ball- I mean, she gets a present within a present. Cause we BOTH like to go to Vegas. Well, let’s just say that was a blast.
First, we rolled up to the airport about two hours early and hit the airport bar. We met this hilarious woman who was also a triathlete and forced her to drink with us-even though she was simply minding her own business in the packed countertop. Too bad, lady! We are having double tall vodka sodas, so you are either drinking with or getting annoyed by us in a short period of time. She chose to join the party.
I will say this about my mom, she has an amazing ability to meet people. She met that nice lady, and immediately made her feel welcome Then on the plane- which by the way was FULL of thirty something men heading out to Vegas for March Madness- she picked up another person. (NOTE: to my 40+ single friends- GO TO MARCH MADNESS!!! There are like 5000 single men in Vegas and NO WOMEN. It was AWESOME)
Any way, I am trying to sleep off the fog of the airport bar, and Mom is getting drinks bought for her by some 32 year old guy, and they are laughing and cutting up. When she goes the the bathroom, he leans over and says “Oh My God!!!! I love your mother! She is hilarious. Where are you guys staying? I want to come hang out with your mom.”
Not exactly the kind of cougar experience a 45 year old woman looks for in Vegas…Let me hang with your mom. 🙂
Anyway, we hop into the Golden Nuggett limo and head downtown. Guess what? The Nuggett has replaced their 1970’s Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch limos with new ones. Very nice! Anyway, mom is chatting up the driver about my Ironman. He loves her. So when we get out, she makes him compare calves with me (he is an off road cyclist)- which naturally I win. Jeez Mom….reel it in. 🙂
OK, so then we gamble, and eat, and go to see Absinthe- a show which has, give or take, about 10,000 oral sex references-including a sock puppet fellatio scene. Could have been awkward with the mom there, but not with Vegas Evelyn! She was rolling!
The next day we wake up and I show mom Justin Timberlake doing Suit and Tie on Saturday Night Live. Then I show her “dick in a box”- OMG, she loved it. That’s important, cause apparently she filed that away for use later. Cause that night we are playing blackjack with some hilarious guys from Iowa (engineers) and they are ragging their friend for not being able to score chicks because he is wearing a fedora.
My MOM comes out with “Why he is adorable. Looks like Justin Timberlake. I’m just going to call him JT for the rest of the night.”
You can imagine the grief he took from then on- ole JT. And Mom, never one to back off, pipes in with “Bust a few moves for me JT!” Sarcasm…it runs in the family. Those guys were like “Dude, even the 70 year old lady is ripping you!” She is priceless.
Fast forward to when we are leaving. We are hanging at the bar playing video poker waiting for the limo. And there is what is obviously a prostitute next to us. Well, she falls in love with mom and says “your mom is the coolest mom ever. Let’s do a shot.” She then proceeds to buy me and my mom a shot!!! Top that if you can. A prostitute spent money on US! 🙂
I’ll tell you about our awesome Easter later.