Always the bridesmaid…

I think I have mentioned that I am a bridesmaid for my running partner Kat’s wedding. I love me some Katherine. She is 28-yep we are separated by 17 years, but I talk with Katherine and it feels like we are months apart. She has an old soul.

Anywho, she had a shower for the bridesmaids- a lingerie shower, this last Friday. I was a little nervous. I’m not sure how this worked out, but all Kat’s bridesmaids are like FREAKING GORGEOUS. And young. And size 4’s. And she calls me mom. And, well frankly, I was more than a little nervous to go make my appearance as the Crypt Keeper among bridesmaids.

I spent an hour figuring out what to wear. A little black dress. Right? It took me an hour to pick my default “I’m bloated and this doesn’t make me look giant” dress. The time was spent trying on several other more bright and colorful and -therefore my thought was youthful- dresses and tossing them aside. I did find my mom’s scarab necklace that she purchased at Neimans in 1971- and added that for a little panache. If you hold onto that stuff it always comes back around. I love that thing.scaran

So, having resolved my self to the color of funerals for my first wedding foray, I launched myself into the 7th Street development on a Friday night to meet the girls at Times Ten Cellar.

I would rather cut my arm off than go over there and deal with the parking on a Friday. This is probably an official recognition that I am, as one of my friends so plainly put it, OLD…OLD I SAY!

I pulled into a parking lot and it said “8$” so I thought no worries. I’ll pay $8 for the convenience of not having to drive around through those narrow streets and look for a space. As I pulled in, the young man handing out tickets asked me where I was going. Fool that I am, I told him the truth. To which he replied “We don’t provide parking for that place.” He then handed me a list of the restaurants the garage was for and I said, “Wait, are you telling me you want me to pay you $8 and THEN tell me where I have to go eat.” His reply-

“I’m going to suggest you try to find a spot on the street.”

My reply, keeping in mind I was already stressed cause I was late to Kat’s shower-my reply was to drop the list of restaurants out the window of my car and tell him to go fuck himself.

Nice? Right? I have to admit I had a moment of regret watching him pick up the list in my rear view mirror. It passed.

So anyway I lucked out and found a spot directly by Times Ten and went inside. Well, I’d like to tell you my worries were for naught and that I shined among the lovely young flowers. But the truth is I began have a hot flash and by the time I got my first glass of bubbles, I was sweating out my forehead and armpits. I had to stand with my arms LOCKED to my side and PRAY I didn’t start stinking. The girls all looked beautiful, and KATHERINE in particular looked lovely.

And after a while, it was hard for me to stay nervous. These girls are actually really nice and they all tried hard to make me welcome. I was very thankful for that. There was that one awkward moment when one asked how old I was and when I said “45” she just stared at me with her mouth open for a full two minutes- like I might actually petrify as she stood there. But she quickly recovered and said “Wow, you don’t look 45 at all.” Thank you sweetheart.

I had to leave to get back to Claire and the fabulous Wendy Colonna, so I missed the subsequent shot infused, vomit inducing party- which I think you my regular readers know is usually my favorite part! But I have to say I’m looking forward to more time with these sweet girls. Maybe, once we get to know each other, I can teach them all a little something about NEVER aging gracefully and spanx. 🙂

Happy Monday.


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