There are several reasons I’ll never be thin. But primary among them is I am just not COMMITTED to cutting sufficient calories to be “thin.” I mean, I’m not fat. But, I am certainly shapely. And I am very concerned with the effects of what I put in my body. Although I joke about it, I almost never eat fried food. I try to have a diet rich in whole grains, veggies, and low on the red meat…blah blah blah…
But for the life of me, I can’t seem to wrap myself around the whole Paleo lifestyle. I get it. Eat what cavemen ate. And I think we can all agree that cavemen were some lean mothers-wirey even. They were also hairy, smelly, and had some really REALLY small brains. Reminds me of college. Anywho, let’s be honest about this.
Do any of us really believe that if a caveman ate…oh lets say a twinkie or a snowball- he wouldn’t flat club your ass to death for the rest of the box? Or liquor- if early and/or primitive societies reveled in beer that was masticated from roots (i.e. chewed up and spit into the container to ferment by the women of the tribe), do we really believe that some hairy neanderthal man with a really, really hard life wouldn’t swig that shit to change his perception of reality out of fear that he might gain a few inches around the middle??? Come on! Paleo is a lie as a title. They should call it “really obsessively committed to being thin and fit” style eating. Then I wouldn’t feel so bad about ignoring it.
Or, as I like to say, I eat “Modified Paleo”- you know like when Shawna modifies crossfit? I try to eat Paleo, but if there is something I know a caveman would likely kick my ass for, I try it every now and then. Case in point? Bonnell’s oysters. A caveman would shank you for that shit, I promise.
Finally, to the people in West, Texas…What a terrible tragedy. We are all thinking about you. And as I said earlier- the Governor needs to waiver those kids out of the mandatory, public funds raping, ineffectual STAAR’s tests asap. Cause that is bullshit.
Going to eat lunch. Modified.