First of all, Claire, don’t read this blog.
OK, did you ever have one of those nights. One of those freakishly fun nights that end with you and your best friend of 30+ years standing in the kitchen hammered eating tamales purchased at some dive bar laughing hysterically? I did, just last night…and a litle this morning.
So, last night started out innocently enough. Sho, Tracy, Jules, the Wine Fairy and I went to Buttons for (can you guess) half priced appetizers. How much trouble can you get in with three ironmen, one in training and the wine fairy? I mean, it’s not like JULES is gonna pound Titos with us- two glasses of wine literally puts her out of commission for days. PLUS, Sho was drinking fake drinks cause she was moving into her new house. So we ate, we chatted about Peters one giant nut, we laughed until we almost peed ourselves, and everyone went their separate ways.
See look-so innocent right. We even talked about doing another Ironman in Florida. Just a bunch of average endurance athletes having a nice night…and one wine fairy. Gulp. Anyway, on the way out the door, I said to the wine fairy that maybe we should go to Lucille’s and have one more drink before we went home. I had a pass as Claire was with Carla Mia, so we swung over to Lucilles, me and the woman I have known and gotten into trouble with since we were eleven. You know, the one I used to sneak out with at 17 and walk to the Oui Lounge a mile away and drink with college guys all night, returning just in time to get ready for school? That one?
Some things never change. So at Lucilles it’s like 15 minutes until closing so we order drinks and they have this infused pineapple vodka. And the WF (wine fairy) decides we need some sort of martini made out of that vodka to GO WITH our drinks…cause, well just cause. The next thing I know, I am telling these three bartenders that the WF is a dominatrix from Chicago who owns a dungeon where she has people pee on you for $50. I know!!! How in the world did that happen? Look, I can’t explain this. The WF and I have always had a HUGE Bullshitomoter. We used to spin all sorts of yarns back in the day. What’s beautiful about it is that she just falls right into the banter, just like high school.
WF- “Why do you have to bring this up every time I come into town?”
CGT-“Cause it’s what you do! It’s interesting.”
WF-“Not to me, it’s my job. Well, I mean I don’t actually pee on people anymore I have much younger girls that do that. No one wants a 40 something peeing on them.”
CGT- “That’s true. She doesn’t really do that anymore.”
WF- “Yep. But I make $30 every time one of my girls does it and there are three of them. And you can pee at least three times an hour if you are hydrated so do the math.”
These guys were fixated and gullible. One actually brought the WF a giant glass of water and was like “load up, there are three of us with $50.” Hilarious! And when we left, they charged us $5.00 for all of our drinks.
Should have gone home then. NOPE. Off to the mule- where it was kickball league night. TERRIBLE. So as we are leaving, the WF says “Take me to a total DIVE.”
Next thing I know, we are at Great Notion. I mean dive city, but awesome. My friend Sam shows up and it is Karaoke night! Unbelievable. So the WF sings some Journey- and after about three shots- we are all being OBNOXIOUS. Some dude starts singing this Luther Vandross song about his dad dying. This is too much for my drunk, highly emotion WF who starts crying and says-
WF- It’s soooooo sad. Cause Luther Vandross was singing about his dead dad. And now he’s dead….and he was gay. It was so saddd cause he had to hide that.
CGT-“Luther was gay?”
WF-(still crying) SOOOO GAAAAAYYYY and he couldn’t live the way he wanted to cause he had to hide it…from his dad…and it was sad…poor Luther Vandross…”
Sam and I were ROLLING. Sam was patting the WF going “it’s ok, Luther is not in pain any more. He’s gone to a better place.”
WF- “But he had to hide it. It’s just so sad……”
We have never laughed so hard as we did this morning. Ugh. Missed my workout and had to be in court at 8:30 a.m. But all of that and my incredible hangover is meaningless compared to the burden Luther bared in his life. Where ever you are Luther, we LOVE you and the WF feels for you deeply.
I mean I couldn’t have a more perfect friend in my life. Who else could hang through being called a dominatrix and the legacy and loss of Luther Vandross and LAUGH about it in the morning.
Love you girl.