What a week. Man, sometimes things just pile on. You know, I have been back to back appointments for weeks now- which is great. But I’m tired.
One of the problems with being a feeler and a nurturer, is that you spend so much time caring for other people that you feel like you are immune to discord or conflict. And noone is.
Case in point, this week I have offended close friends unintentionally, failed to appropriately communicate my feelings to another good friend, and let a good friend go because you can’t care for or nuture someone who really doesn’t care for you at all. You can’t reach out to everyone. For someone who considers her strength to be helping others, this week has been- to date- a huge disappointment and extremely trying.
I have a lot of friends. Generally, I’m pretty successful at staying out of friend politics. My mantra “Everybody loves Betsy!” (few exceptions, of course) I think that’s primarily because I have an innate ability to empathize with people- feel what they are feeling and figure out how best to help them achieve their desires, address problems, or just frankly feel better about themselves.
Wow, not so much this week. Let’s review.
l. Pissing off friends- apparently I had a whole segment of friends who thought I was “using” them for a particular skill and that I was excluding them from planning a particular event. Big fail. If I had been more in tune to their needs, I could have easily given them the information they needed. But frankly, I had set in my mind “I’m not planning this event”- cause I tend to find myself as cruise director most of the time. That was my mistake. I was the one who asked them to participate and I should have been more vocal about making sure they had the information they needed. Crap. I suck.
2. Failing to communicate- There is nothing worse than not being able to effectively communicate your feelings to a person. It’s like when your car is stuck in the sand, and you just keep pressing the accelerator- hoping the faster you spin the wheel- the more likely you are to get out of the hole your digging. Um, yeah that doesn’t work. The more I tried to get my friend to understand my feelings, the more offensive those feelings apparently became. Note to self- STOP TALKING. I need to learn to sit quietly and listen and observe.
3. Letting Go- I have this friend who is really helped by feeling and nurturing. This person is very stoic in so many areas of life. When I’m around her, I just want to shower her with affection- like my ability to love and care can build in her an ability of her own. Guess what, people do not change this late in life. If a person is stoic and you are a nurturer- you aren’t going to be likely to TEACH them that feeling for others is good. Stop hitting your head against a brick wall, right?
On the positive side, I have amazing friends who rally around me in my times of need. I must have done something to deserve that, right? And, let’s face it, it’s not like after all these years I’m going to fundamentally change who I am. 🙂 So lets all just start with these fundamental Betsyisms- (1) I would never intentionally hurt anyone (2) I will probably try to do things that make you feel better about yourself, even if it’s annoying and (3) if you let me know you are indifferent towards me or my attempts to make you feel better about life or yourself, I’ll probably walk away.
Let’s go work, shall we?